If I think “my kids never listen to me” will this make it true? “Yes, it will.” Thinking my kids never listen to me will cause me to communicate with them in a way that will repel them not interest them. Let’s say I read something I think my son needs to hear, additionally, if I think he never listens to me; I might say “Hey Hunter, I need you to come here, and you need to listen to this.” He will also notice the tension in my voice and my body language and he will see I’m ready to do battle. If however, I know my kids find me intriguing, I might say “Hey Hunter, check this out” and just hand him the article. Now Hunter doesn’t feel like I’m forcing him into a situation and my open inflections in my voice and body language won't make him defensive.
We have all heard of Self-fulfilling prophecies. It’s my experience ALL your thoughts and beliefs are self-fulfilling. Yes, what I’m saying is, if I believe something about a situation it’s more likely to become to be; and with practice, the odds go up. Not with all situations, though, I can’t believe my way to winning the Lottery. However, luck is on my side in many other situations. So here’s how it works.
When dealing with people, your preconceptions or beliefs greatly affect your outcome. Let’s say we’re dealing with someone in a situation where we need help. This can be something trivial like returning something to a store or something more complex like negotiating a business deal, or something I feel is even more important, dealing with friends or family; your beliefs will not only determine the outcome, your beliefs are self-fulfilling.
If I go into a situation thinking the other person has my best interest in mind, I communicate openly, friendly and nonthreatening. However, if the converse is true and I believe the person doesn’t have my best interest in mind, I carry myself more closed, defensive, and I may even be hostile. My words can be identical, and the outcome will be different based on my beliefs.
When we interact with people, there are quite a few complexities going on; there are the words we use, the inflection in our voices and our non-verbal communications to name a few. Also, what we say is far less important than how we say it. Saying something simple like “Hi there” can be a precursor to an open exchange or a knock-down-drag-out fight. If I say “hi there” with a loving voice, a smile on my face and an open, inviting posture things are going to start off well. If however, I say “hi there” with anger in my voice and a closed or aggressive posture; get ready, it’s going to get ugly.
No matter what the situation, your beliefs play a substantial role in the outcome. Think positively and notice the difference. Literally, say to yourself, “this person has my best interest in mind,” before you engage in a conversation.